Humor – Page 3

Videos of bad hollywood choppers

January 17, 2013 By Trish Walraven 3 Comments

Bad Hollywood Teeth have been one of the things that REALLY GET UNDER MY SKIN and because I have a place to express it like the swollen fistula that it is.(!)… Well, here we are.

No, I’m not talking about the ones that are NATURALLY bad. This time we’re going to admonish the actors that couldn’t overcome their dentition additions. Watch the videos below to see what I mean.
Do you remember Steven Spielberg’s “Hook?” I do, for the wrong reasons, and while Dustin Hoffman received positive reviews in this role, the way he would press his lower lip on his false teeth made me cringe every time the camera closed in on him.

Emma Thompson’s Nanny McPhee has the same problem, only it’s with a single tooth this time. I know, I know, she’s supposed to look ugly! But does she have to slide her lip under her snaggle so intentionally?

And then there’s the ever-creepy Mad Hatter, endowed with a careless lisp by Johnny Depp.

I actually love that Austin Powers pokes fun at his OWN teeth in this clip, while also emphasizing the need to carry floss and toothpaste into dire situations. Even so, the prosthetics never seem to quite fit in Mike Myers’ mouth.

Not only will you get to see a green (as in young, not as in tree-hugging) Ed Begley Jr. sucking on his fake braces, you to hear one of his best-delivered lines ever. Real Genius is classic 80’s cheese in a yummy Val Kilmer sandwich and this is one of the funniest scenes of the movie.

Next time you see a film where an actor is doing naughty things with his teeth, remember the catharsis you felt when you came here and realized that you weren’t alone with your annoyance, because it reminded you of the reluctant denture patients that really, really need new ones but they let the old ones schlep around in their mouths anyway. And when you feel that feeling again at the movies, be sure to come back here and share it so that it can be featured in a future article.

Don’t know about you, but I feel like someone should prescribe me an antibiotic after all this squeezing.

Creepy dental mannequin calendar

December 6, 2012 By Trish Walraven 2 Comments

This holiday season, don’t you know someone who would appreciate the Photoshopped finesse that can only be found in a printed new year calendar? Especially if they are aficionados of the lip-less look of their favorite Dexter, typodont, or other practice mannequin.

It’s bad enough that we all had to hover over these our first semester of dental school. Now they’ll be entering your dreams in an Inception-like takeover of your subconscious fears. NO! YOU NEVER GRADUATED AND YOU MUST SAY THANK YOU FOR THE UGLY WALLET FROM THE FAKE EVIL WOMAN YOU MARRIED!

Please tell me that you don’t really want one of these calendars. If you insist, it is available at this link here at Practicon, for pretty cheap, for a gag, for someone you pretend to like but just want to oog out really really bad.

Or you can just browse the rest of the calendar here. Do it quickly. Don’t linger. Because the longer you look, the more you’ll begin to question reality.

And if the nightmare above actually does describe your current marital situation, sorry, wasn’t trying to dis on your spouse. But you may want to consider this a wake-up call.

Incoming!

November 9, 2012 By Eva Watson Leave a Comment

Good news, colleagues!

Our chances of pee-pee and va-jay-jay injuries is greater than that of accidental dental injuries!

http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/health/2012/11/09/genital-harm-more-common-than-dental-injuries-study-shows/

So, before you start laughing to yourself about that ten-year-old pedo patient that got his central incisor horrifically knocked out during a friendly game of blindfolded dodge ball please think about the apparently, chronic-happening alternative– your kid’s foot that emphatically missed the soccer ball during the big game and made a B-line straight into the pecker of another player.

Let’s be careful out there.

Patients: Floss Your $%#*^@# Teeth!

October 17, 2012 By Eva Watson 10 Comments

Now… don’t let the title of this piece make you cower into your stinky underpants drawer.

My intention is to simply explain the importance of why you lovely patients must floss your teeth. After seven years of clinical experience and seeing the outcome of a non-flossing lifestyle, my hope is that those reading this highly important dental topic will gain the vital understanding of flossing and how gum disease will affect your life.

Let’s start by me asking for your full attention by you getting your crusty, Starbucks-stained teeth out of your $8.00 latte you really can’t afford but feel the urge to economically consume every, single morning before you go to your soon-to-be outsourced job that just increased your dental insurance premium for a minute because here’s what I have to tell you.

Are you ready? Good.

If you don’t floss your gums will become a festering, disease-ridden, smorgasbord of unrelenting bacteria that will ultimately make your gingivae bleed in buckets every, single day of your life. If you don’t floss your gums you will spend thousands (I’m not kidding) of dollars to simply control the incurable disease (and it is a disease) that you have let build up over years and years of utter neglect.

Exudate will ooze out from underneath your gums and after questioning by the clinical professional (How YOU doin’?) the finding(s) will be defined as ‘asymptomatic’. That is, you will feel no pain. What you will feel is the false sense of dental health with the perpetual lie you keep telling yourself when you think, “It doesn’t hurt,” while the blood-filled pus continues to bubble and percolate underneath your gums.

Allow me to continue.

Your social life will remain that of the lonely-lived bachelor/bachelorette whose breath completely, I mean, completely reeks so intensely, you will have no realistic chance of any dating prospects. You will continue to waste money on the premium whitening kits at your local store to give off the illusion of a healthy mouth in the hopes of attracting a mate. Your highly offensive, (Not joking. It’s awful.) metallic-smelling breath from your lack of flossing is so oppressive no one will want to kiss you nor come within five feet of you. (Yes. The odor is that strong.) And we can still smell it through the masks we wear. Sorry.

Once your teeth become mobile, or loose, from the lack of flossing and the prolific bacteria eating away at your bone that supports your teeth, then, and only then, will you notice and mention the finding to your dentist and/or dental hygienist. (Hey, that’s me!) You will hear the word ‘unsalvageable’. You may even hear the word ‘hopeless’. That means your loose tooth/teeth will have to be pulled out from your rotting mouth because you were lazy and didn’t floss.

You’ve just lost your tooth… which could have been prevented if you only had used that little piece of string.

Sleep tight.

Bad hair restoration

August 29, 2012 By Trish Walraven 1 Comment

Last week, when the story of the botched fresco restoration in Spain went viral, I couldn’t help but wonder if this were the worst… or best… thing that had ever happened to the little church. I imagine the humiliation that the well-intentioned elderly parishioner has been feeling for her actions, and the fear that she will be sued for defacing this work of art which used to depict Jesus. She is reportedly suffering from anxiety attacks ever since her work became known.

But the Internet has turned her into a celebrity. Instead of taking the terrible painting at face value, it is becoming known as “a masterpiece of contemporary surrealism” and “perhaps its own kind of metaphor for modern man.” The church has become a tourist attraction, and there’s even a petition to prevent the fresco from being altered from its current state.

Best of all, the image has become a sort of meme, parody-ing its way into every crevice of Twitter and Facebook. If I were ever in Spain, I definitely would have to visit this fresco now and would be sad if it were ever restored in the normal convention.

And forgotten.

So when Jay Leno picks on a dentist for having bad hair, well, sometimes mainstream is the WORST thing you can be, and if there’s one thing Leno panders to, it’s the mainstream. What’s bad to the mainstream might be… postmodern !!! to those clients that you’re hoping to attract. Fellow dental blogger Mike Barr shares this video clip from The Tonight Show:

It’s not so bad. I mean, he’s an LVI-trained dentist, he’s a sculpted work of art himself – either you get him, or you don’t. Challenging? Yes. Dismissable? Let’s just say that I couldn’t leave this one alone:

Try as I might, I REALLY couldn’t leave it alone. Maybe the dentist would look better on the fresco itself????

On third thought, maybe it’s just best to preserve him in raw form and let the art speak for itself:

A big thanks goes out to Dr. G for being such a sport, knowing that it’s all in fun, and that anyone who picks on your hair is just jealous of your ripped body.