Humor – Page 8

Dental trauma is not funny

January 28, 2011 By Eva Watson Leave a Comment

Dental Trauma is Not Funny… I lied. It’s kind of funny.

In an effort to provide the Dental Buzz audience with a little blurb of cheeky dental absurdity, I offer a tale- a tale of an ominous olive pit, its perilous journey into the oral cavity of Ohio Representative Dennis J. Kucinich, and the tooth that became a legend. The story begins in the year 2008.

Ahem…

Olive pit: OW! SON OF A #%@! The jerk just bit me! What the hell, man?!

Rep. Kucinich: I just bit down on an olive pit… oh, poop.

Tooth: Huh… that felt kinda good.

Olive pit: Are you whack, tooth?! What’s wrong with you?

Tooth: Well, I’ve been decaying away in this gentleman’s mouth for some time anyway. Gets boring. That was a lot of excitement for me.

Rep. Kucinich: Wow. My tooth really hurts.

Olive pit: That totally sucked! He hurt me! Which means YOU HURT ME!

Tooth: Oh, come on, olive pit. Don’t be such a wet ham. Didn’t that turn you on a little?

Olive pit: That’s not funny. Are you a sadist or something?

Tooth: You’re such a baby.

Rep. Kucinich: Umm- my tooth really hurts.

Olive pit: I’m not a baby. I’m injured!

Tooth: Live a little. You may like it.

Olive pit: The dude bit me, and now I’m forced to live in his colon. Lovely!

Tooth: Maybe I’ll get a root canal. That would be so hot.

Rep. Kucinich: Doesn’t anyone care about me?

Olive pit: Pipe down, Kucinich!

Tooth: Please get a root canal. Please-please-please?

Three years later…

Rep. Kucinich: My tooth still hurts. It’s 2011 and my tooth still hurts. I think I’ll sue the cafeteria that sold me that suspicious lunch wrap. That’ll learn ‘em.

Tooth: Hope I get another root canal… hee-hee.

•••••••••••••••

Dennis Kucinich has apologized for all of the distraction that he’s caused, and has announced within an hour of this writing that he had settled the lawsuit.

For the record, here’s a copy of the lawsuit (PDF) that Kucinich brought against the olive pit (and the company that left it in his sandwich).

A few things you need to know

January 21, 2011 By Eva Watson Leave a Comment

by Eva Watson

I act dumb. Full stop. I’m a grown woman who acts like an immature twit. I’m constantly making fun of everything. When I noticed crunchy, dried-up boogers sticking to the wall next to my three-year-old’s bed, I said, “Syd? Santa thinks that’s disgusting. Now you’re on his disgusting list. Great.” So cruel. I can’t even write maturely. I once wrote an article on

recommendations for thwarting raccoon thievery of my summer garden strawberries; the segment was titled, ‘Raccoon Smasher Garden Patrol’… (snort) See? Tasteless. I can’t help myself. Life gets stupid. But it doesn’t stop there. My adolescent humor even seeps into my care of patients.

A young guy was in my operatory chair. He hadn’t had a professional scaling in four years. I was about to begin his SRP when he said, “I might be a big baby when you get in there.” I laughed and said, “That’s what I tell my OB/Gyn.” Later, when the guy asked to see another hygienist, I said to myself, “I’m so retarded.”

Another patient attempted to describe what sounded like floss threaders. She went on for more than five minutes trying to describe what floss threaders looked like. I finally said, “You mean those furry, tampon-y thingies with the long string attached? Yeah, I have those.” After the patient rolled her eyes and asked to speak with the dentist privately, I thought to myself, “I’m so juvenile. Why do I do that?”

With the influx of dental products out there, I wish there was a device to zap me with low-voltage electrical currents when I misbehave; like a TENS unit but angrier. As soon as I unleash a nasty one—zzzzt! Owie. Everything would be fine after that, but I’d have to explain to patients why my hair has a static electricity boner. I suppose it doesn’t have to be a dental product, per se. It could be manufactured by a urologist for what it’s worth. They could call it The Electrical Nerve Punisher.

I don’t know. Perhaps it’s not a good idea after all.

New year at DentalBuzz

January 1, 2011 By Trish Walraven Leave a Comment

By Trish Walraven

2011 is the year for inspirations to move us towards actions, so it only seemed right today to share a few things with the DentalBuzz audience.

My subscriptions to various RSS feeds is getting rather long, especially the dental blogs, and it’s just not fair for me to keep them all to myself! You’ll notice that there’s a new Bloglist to help you get all of the news and insights that concern you as a dental professional. Some other resources that I use are DentalTown and Dr. Bicuspid, but if you also enjoy following individual voices then you simply must browse through all of the great blogs that I’ve evaluated here at DentalBuzz. Also, please me know if there are some that you read that I haven’t listed.

You may have already noticed the other change. It’s the voice here. The impersonal nature of third person sometimes causes me to feel disengaged from the audience, and as much as humor is less risky from that perspective (especially when bravery is involved because it can be DIFFICULT to pull off!) it also makes it harder to stay inspired. So hi, audience. One of my favorite kinds of humor is that which is Andy Kaufman-esque so it’s okay if you laugh uncomfortably at my poor comedic attempts.

In the meantime, this controversial article was recently written about a product that I was hoping to bring to the table at our next office meeting. The product in question is Perio Protect®, an anti-biofilm regimen that shows great promise for non-surgical perio resolution. Is it a scam? Can a periodontist’s opinion be trusted, especially when the argument is against a product that is being touted to specifically keep patients out of a periodontist’s practice? In this case, power to the blogger perio dude. Even though it is in his best financial interest to scorn a system that relies on patient compliance at home to be effective, he gets huge points for diligent research. Ultimately, it comes down to me and the irritation that he has caused me personally. Because I’ll now have to find some other implementable product or service to present in our practice for the new year.

Also Dr. Todd, thanks for the inspiration.

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