by Eva Watson

Dental Trauma is Not Funny… I lied.  It’s kind of funny.

In an effort to provide the Dental Buzz audience with a little blurb of cheeky dental absurdity, I offer a tale- a tale of an ominous olive pit, its perilous journey into the oral cavity of Ohio Representative Dennis J. Kucinich, and the tooth that became a legend. The story begins in the year 2008.

Ahem…

Olive pit: OW! SON OF A #%@!  The jerk just bit me! What the hell, man?!

Rep. Kucinich: I just bit down on an olive pit… oh, poop.

Tooth: Huh… that felt kinda good.

Olive pit: Are you whack, tooth?!  What’s wrong with you?

Tooth: Well, I’ve been decaying away in this gentleman’s mouth for some time anyway. Gets boring. That was a lot of excitement for me.

Rep. Kucinich: Wow. My tooth really hurts.

Olive pit: That totally sucked! He hurt me! Which means YOU HURT ME!

Tooth: Oh, come on, olive pit. Don’t be such a wet ham. Didn’t that turn you on a little?

Olive pit: That’s not funny. Are you a sadist or something?

Tooth: You’re such a baby.

Rep. Kucinich: Umm- my tooth really hurts.

Olive pit: I’m not a baby. I’m injured!

Tooth: Live a little. You may like it.

Olive pit: The dude bit me, and now I’m forced to live in his colon. Lovely!

Tooth: Maybe I’ll get a root canal. That would be so hot.

Rep. Kucinich: Doesn’t anyone care about me?

Olive pit: Pipe down, Kucinich!

Tooth: Please get a root canal. Please-please-please?

Three years later…

Rep. Kucinich:  My tooth still hurts.  It’s 2011 and my tooth still hurts.  I think I’ll sue the cafeteria that sold me that suspicious lunch wrap. That’ll learn ‘em.

Tooth: Hope I get another root canal… hee-hee.

•••••••••••••••

Dennis Kucinich has apologized for all of the distraction that he’s caused, and has announced within an hour of this writing that he had settled the lawsuit.

For the record, here’s a copy of the lawsuit (PDF) that Kucinich brought against the olive pit (and the company that left it in his sandwich).