Farewell, Good Doctor

June 12, 2012 By Eva Watson 2 Comments

The reign of near, unprecedented dental negligence is over; Robert Bates, DDS, the former president of the now-defunct Allcare Dental, has surrendered his dental license to the state of New Hampshire.

http://doj.nh.gov/media-center/press-releases/2012/20120521-bates-dental-license-allcare.htm

This is not a day to rejoice. This is not the time to shake our heads in deep disappointment for a fallen comrade that made monumental and irreversible mistakes. It’s a sad turn of events that warrants important discussion of a man who is no longer a licensed dentist in NH. It’s…

TIME TO GET STUPID! Wheee!

Let’s Find Dr. Bates a New Job!

Elephant Feces Removal Specialist

Oh, come on. It’s just excrement. It’s not like it would be the worst job in the world. Bonding with these creatures and subsequent dung removal from these four-legged friends may be just what the doctor needs. Who knows? Perhaps Dr. Bates may enjoy cleaning up after gigantic animals that dump mammoth quantities of pachyderm poop. Does anyone know if licensure is required for this type of work?

Gingie! The Awfully Bloody Gingiva Traveling Mascot

This role was originally chosen for dental wives (read the previous story here), but the opportunity for the doctor to take part in this jobs program is far too great for him to pass up. The position in simple; don the Gingie costume, in all of its fake blood and erythematous glory, and travel to various elementary schools to teach kids the importance of how utterly neglectful, disease-ridden, and disgusting bloody gums are and the importance of daily flossing. The doctor wouldn’t need any dental materials to pass out to the children. He would just point to himself as a prime example.

Official Door-to-Door Apologizer to Allcare Dental Patients

I would personally oversee this job for the doctor. I want to travel more anyway. See, it would be a cross-country automobile adventure, no doubt, with the kind doctor doing all of the driving. My family and I are on a strict budget so he would have to pay for the cost of gas, meals, lodging, and the twenty-four hour guard surveillance should he try to escape from said job duties. I really like to sing poorly… out loud… so the doctor isn’t allowed to turn on any radio/CD musical choices of any kind to drown out the auditory pain that is my singing. And if he starts to whine, well, it clearly states in the job description ’emotional outbursts of any kind will be dealt with quickly and firmly’. I haven’t really worked out the specifics of that rule yet but my mind… free. My need for justice for every Allcare dental patient in the thirteen states the doctor has taken advantage of… limitless.

Anyone up for a road trip?

One CT scan = 200 Panoramics

April 10, 2012 By Trish Walraven 5 Comments

No doubt you listened to the radio or television news today with a double take whut-What? There’s a Yale study that just came out which links the incidence of meningiomas to the frequency of dental radiographs taken during childhood? Your gentle ionizing beam of extrasensory perception is….BEING CRITICIZED?

Yes, yes it is. But have no fear, because the research, my friend, is also having its validity questioned. Supposedly there’s a significant likelihood of being diagnosed with a benign brain tumor if you grew up going to the dentist regularly and having periodic x-rays. This tumor, called a meningioma, is usually asymptomatic, and the vast majority of the time is discovered only when a person has a routine CT scan.

Okay, so is it just me who sees this flaw in the study? People who have CT scans just for “fun” are most likely to go to the dentist for “fun.” Only you should substitute the word “prevention” for “fun.” There were other people in the study who weren’t diagnosed with meningiomas. Was this because they didn’t have CT scans voluntarily (and their parents didn’t take them to the dentist very often, possibly)? And what is the criteria for needing a scan, since we’re criticizing the “need” for dental x-rays? I mean, CT zapping is not exactly radiation-free.

Go read these articles for yourself so that you’ll have well-formed opinions when patients ask about what they’ve heard in the media to help you turn around any radiation defiance that you may come up against in the next few weeks:

Dental X-Rays Linked to Common Brain Tumor, Study Finds – Huffington Post

Web MD: Annual X-rays May Expose Patients to Unnecessary Risk

Dental x-rays can double brain tumor risk – MSNBC.com

All about Meningiomas from Wikipedia

From ABC News: Early Dental X-Rays Linked to Brain Tumors

Now ask yourself who is healthier: the guy who never took a pill or saw a doctor his whole life, and felt great until the day he died? Or the one who did all the preventive stuff and discovered along the way that yes, he had some imperfections that needed to be treated?

See, it’s a stupid question that is irrelevant. Put it to bed, put this story to bed, go scare the masses with something fun. And yummy. And dangerous.

Like sugar.

For other reading, here’s a PDF of the ADA’s radiography recommendations, along with a previous DentalBuzz parody about radiation safety, and a comparison of dental radiation doses to other medical radiation doses.

Judicial dream patients (or not)

March 26, 2012 By Eva Watson Leave a Comment

Today is a big day for dental and medical subscribers and their families across our country.

Health Care Reform: Opening Day At The Supreme Court

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/03/26/health-care-reform-supreme-court_n_1373333.html

The fate of the Affordable Care Act is in the hands of the nine Supreme Court justices of our country. They will discuss and listen to arguments on the bill that went into law just two years ago under President Obama.

These highly educated and important people will have many options to weigh over the course of three days during their debates as the American public awaits the outcome of the healthcare reform law.

As a dental care provider and fellow taxpayer, I kindly ask the current patients in the waiting room to continue to wait a bit more as I move up our nation’s Supreme Court justices in my hygiene schedule to have their teeth scaled immediately. I have vital opinions to share with each judge that simply cannot wait. It won’t take long, however. I shall address all of them in the reception area first to efficiently utilize production time.

Me: “Now, Your Honors- Judge Scalia, please put that magazine down and pay attention.”

Judge Scalia: “But it’s the new People issue. I don’t get this at home.”

Me: “That’s not important. The country’s future- Judge Roberts? That’s totally disgusting. Get your finger out of your nose.”

Judge Roberts: “But I don’t have any tissue. Alito stole my fanny pack.”

Judge Alito: “I did not! I just borrowed it, ya poopbag.”

Me: “Please, settle down, people. We don’t have time here… where’s Judge Thomas?”

Judge Sotomayor: “He’s in the bathroom- AGAIN! I wouldn’t go in there for awhile.”

Judge Breyer: “You think you’re all that because you went to JLo’s house that one time for a stupid dinner party.”

Judge Sotomayor: “You’re just jealous cus you don’t get invited anywhere.”

Me: “Both of you- stop. There are other patients here tha-”

Judge Kagan: “Excuse, me, Ms. Watson, but Judge Kennedy keeps poking me with his pen.”

Judge Kennedy: “It’s because you won’t move over, Kagan!”

Judge Kagan: “You have more than enough room, Kennedy. You’re a fartface.”

Me: “Now, stop it!”

Judge Ginsburg: “Is there somewhere I can get a Mountain Dew? I’m really thirsty.”

Me: “No. Sit down.”

Judge Thomas: “Whew! No one go in the bathroom for awhile. I dropped a sulfur bomb.”

Judge Scalia: “Sulfur bomb! Dude, that’s hilarious!”

Judge Ginsburg: “Isn’t there a 7-Eleven down the street? I really need some sugar.”

Judge Kennedy: “Kagan, move over already!”

Judge Sotomayor: “Leave her alone. You’re so mean, Kennedy.”

Judge Roberts: “Scalia, don’t think you’re off the hook. I want my fanny pack.”

Judge Scalia: “Dude, why do you even have a fanny pack? Did your mommy give that to you?”

Judge Roberts: “Shutup, man!”

I’m not gonna use any topical on any of them. Little crappers…

Stupid is as stupid does

January 10, 2012 By Eva Watson Leave a Comment

Some say evil requires intelligence. To carry out cunning and sociopathic deeds against others is the mark of a person with smarts- albeit a warped, misguided, and hurtful kind of smart- but a modicum of intelligence nonetheless. These individuals are everywhere: schools, hospitals. Even our government. (Oh, but it’s true.)

However, evil is curiously absent in some dental practices:

http://www.poz.com/articles/detroit_hiv_lysol_401_21587.shtml

For the folks who followed around this poor guy with a can of Lysol due to his HIV+ status, I offer you a gift- a gift of knowledge that transcends any foul yet humorously stupid acts of malice that have been carried out against a human being for carrying a disease.

Ahem….

HIV is unable to reproduce outside its living host (unlike many bacteria or fungi, which may do so under suitable conditions), except under laboratory conditions; therefore, it does not spread or maintain infectiousness outside its host!!!!

http://www.cdc.gov/hiv/resources/qa/transmission.htm

Knowledge is indeed power. If only scientists would develop the first experimental can of anti-dolt aerosol; but, then again, there wouldn’t be enough to cleanse the dumb away.

Happy New Year, everyone! DentalBuzz is baaaa-aack!

Share this with patients

December 28, 2011 By Trish Walraven Leave a Comment

The general public has no excuse when the Wall Street Journal has succinctly and comprehensively explained why dentistry is so important to patients’ overall health. Make copies, post a link from your Facebook page, tweet about it. Just make sure that EVERYONE IN YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD reads this article, watches the video, or interacts with the snapshot graphics. Click on the title below to visit:

If Your Teeth Could Talk…

The Mouth Offers Clues to Disorders and Disease; Dentists Could Play Larger Role in Patient Care

Way to go, WSJ.

Health Care Reform: Opening Day At The Supreme Court

If Your Teeth Could Talk…

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