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Dental office acronyms

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One of my favorite dental blogs is the AGD’s The Daily Grind, with today’s post by Scott Jackson, DMD, MAGD sticking up like a wonderful, poignant nail that wants its head to be hit by this hammer of humor awareness. BAM! BAM! BAM!

In the midst of savoring life, Scott has also realized that textual shortcuts just might be the future of communicating in his dental practice, and so has offered up a few acronymic suggestions to ease the conversations in your office as well:

IGS……..I’m going to scream
WWIT…….What was I thinking?
DAPDA……Dog ate patient’s denture again
LCNHLTP….Lab case not here, lie to patient
IHDD…….I hate doing dentures
INAV…….I need a vacation
CTOSN……Call the oral surgeon, NOW!
IPTDS……I perforated the darn sinus
YAIOTP…..Your attorney is on the phone
INAGOW…..I need a glass of wine
SMAY…….Staff mad at you

There’s more!!!! but you’ll have to go here to read them, because that’s just how it works, this blogger thing. Borrow a few and it’s teasing and plugging. Take ’em all and it’s stealing. And if you have a hammer, well, aren’t you just supposed to hit nails on their heads when they make you smile with dental humorosity?

I now feel the urge to add a witty acronym of my own, but it would probably be something suckie uppie like:

SWTB……Scott writes them better.

 

 

Does your pedo blow?

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Here’s proof that pediatric dentistry attracts “special” people – the staff of Teays Valley Pediatric Dentistry and Huntington Pediatric Dentistry & Orthodontics getting it on and making the right kind of viral video, complete with outtakes. It’s got humor, it’s got sexy, it’s got “we didn’t try hard to get this just right.” And it works, because the following is just plain fun to watch:

So how about it? Does this video make you want to work with the crazy gals? Definitely. But what about sending your kids to become patients in this office? Lower your eyebrows and listen for a moment. You’re just seeing the tip of the insanity. They’ve probably done worse, much worse than gambled with candy. Children shouldn’t be exposed to irresponsibility of this magnitude, and so the parents should be made aware of this seedier side of pedodontics.

Do you remember the drug-induced rant of David After Dentist? To think that a dental professional would bring into question whether or not this was real life. We don’t need none of that existential nonsense. Pediatric dentists should stick to hiring dried up old biddies that don’t like kids. They may not have a lot of personality, but at least they’ll shine the light where you need it instead of dancing around pretending to be Ke$ha.


(just kidding. Party on, you instigators of fun.)

The band Lumineers

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There are two kinds of porcelain veneers in the world: Lumineers, and… well… veneers. It’s kind of like calling a Kleenex a tissue. For years tissues were only known by their brand name, but eventually the patent must have run out or something and the generic version of the word became available. As in, “Hand me a tissue so that I can wipe the lipstick off of my Lumineers.”

Because Den-Mat throws a lot of money at TV ads for branding their proprietary name, patients don’t realize that Lumineers aren’t necessarily the top-of-the-line veneer, they’re just the most well-known. A veneer is only as good as the lab that makes it and the instructions/impression that the lab is given. There are good Lumineers out there, and bad Lumineers.

And then there are musical Lumineers. Right now you can even download one of their songs for free here at Amazon.com. Or enjoy it first in this video:


Flowers In Your Hair – Free download from Amazon
Read the lyrics too.

Gawrsh, why don’t most dentists just fall in love with this kind of stuff….after all, it IS called root music.


Judicial dream patients (or not)

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Today is a big day for dental and medical subscribers and their families across our country.

Health Care Reform: Opening Day At The Supreme Court

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/03/26/health-care-reform-supreme-court_n_1373333.html

The fate of the Affordable Care Act is in the hands of the nine Supreme Court justices of our country. They will discuss and listen to arguments on the bill that went into law just two years ago under President Obama.

These highly educated and important people will have many options to weigh over the course of three days during their debates as the American public awaits the outcome of the healthcare reform law.

As a dental care provider and fellow taxpayer, I kindly ask the current patients in the waiting room to continue to wait a bit more as I move up our nation’s Supreme Court justices in my hygiene schedule to have their teeth scaled immediately. I have vital opinions to share with each judge that simply cannot wait. It won’t take long, however. I shall address all of them in the reception area first to efficiently utilize production time.

 

Me: “Now, Your Honors- Judge Scalia, please put that magazine down and pay attention.”

Judge Scalia: “But it’s the new People issue. I don’t get this at home.”

Me: “That’s not important. The country’s future- Judge Roberts? That’s totally disgusting.  Get your finger out of your nose.”

Judge Roberts: “But I don’t have any tissue. Alito stole my fanny pack.”

Judge Alito: “I did not! I just borrowed it, ya poopbag.”

Me: “Please, settle down, people. We don’t have time here… where’s Judge Thomas?”

Judge Sotomayor: “He’s in the bathroom- AGAIN! I wouldn’t go in there for awhile.”

Judge Breyer: “You think you’re all that because you went to JLo’s house that one time for a stupid dinner party.”

Judge Sotomayor: “You’re just jealous cus you don’t get invited anywhere.”

Me: “Both of you- stop. There are other patients here tha-”

Judge Kagan: “Excuse, me, Ms. Watson, but Judge Kennedy keeps poking me with his pen.”

Judge Kennedy: “It’s because you won’t move over, Kagan!”

Judge Kagan: “You have more than enough room, Kennedy.  You’re a fartface.”

Me: “Now, stop it!”

Judge Ginsburg: “Is there somewhere I can get a Mountain Dew? I’m really thirsty.”

Me: “No. Sit down.”

Judge Thomas: “Whew! No one go in the bathroom for awhile. I dropped a sulfur bomb.”

Judge  Scalia: “Sulfur bomb! Dude, that’s hilarious!”

Judge Ginsburg: “Isn’t there a 7-Eleven down the street? I really need some sugar.”

Judge Kennedy: “Kagan, move over already!”

Judge Sotomayor: “Leave her alone. You’re so mean, Kennedy.”

Judge Roberts: “Scalia, don’t think you’re off the hook. I want my fanny pack.”

Judge Scalia: “Dude, why do you even have a fanny pack? Did your mommy give that to you?”

Judge Roberts: “Shutup, man!”

 

I’m not gonna use any topical on any of them. Little crappers…

 

 

 

Dream patient of the week

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Remember that oath we took at graduation? I remember that oath. I swore, along with my classmates, that I would carry out the very best dental care to any and all patients who sat in my operatory chair; regardless of gender, race, or socioeconomic status, I promised to give everyone the best treatment I could.

I also remember wanting to hurl myself into the bathroom. The speech I had to give moments before gave me nervous diarrhea really bad.

We have our clinical side. Then we have our human side. The clinical side is a given: do what we were trained to do. My human side? A bit more personal. I tend to muse about extra-special people that I would give anything to have in my chair. Anything. Just once. And it’s because of their gender, race, SES, political ideology, etc., that I must perform my titillating hygiene duties on them.

We all have our idiosyncrasies. My OCD compels me to share mine. Hee-heeee!

Dream Patient of the Week: Steven Colbert

Mr. Colbert, if there’s any chance you accidentally enter this site while surfing the internets for plaque-disrupting inspiration, I would like you to know that I love you. Every American-y, flag-waving inch of you. I adore you. Are you tall? I like tall. You appear taller than John Stewart. I also like suits. You wear a lot of suits. I like that. And I’m not crazy. My husband tolerates me just fine. He’s just playing Skyrim again.

I love your smile. I love the way you single me out and point that finger at me when you’re in my television. I love your ties, your glasses, and your opening-credit eagle that swoops into my face and shrieks hello. That eagle looks like it’s gonna fly right into me. Here it comes–  wheeeee!  I like that eagle.

I will also state the obvious: I love your teeth.

Let me see those patriotic beauties- oh! There they are. I don’t care how much calculus is on them. I love every one of your teeth equally. If you had the blackest, most tenacious chunks of bad boy tartar stuck to every inch of enamel in your mouth, I would still love you. That’s not strange, Mr. Colbert. That’s dedication. All I ask is for the chance to have you lay waaaay back on my USA-made operatory dental chair while I give you such a stone-cold, subgingival scaling it will flip your cyclopean Super PAC, baby.

And, after I gently marinate your inflamed gums with a superfreaky course of chlorhexidine gluconate, I would like to hold your hands and teach you how to floss… properly. That’s right.

In closing, I would appreciate an opportunity to express my respect and admiration of your brain… because it’s silly. You have a silly brain.

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