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Dream patient of the week

January 24, 2012 By Eva Watson 4 Comments

Remember that oath we took at graduation? I remember that oath. I swore, along with my classmates, that I would carry out the very best dental care to any and all patients who sat in my operatory chair; regardless of gender, race, or socioeconomic status, I promised to give everyone the best treatment I could.

I also remember wanting to hurl myself into the bathroom. The speech I had to give moments before gave me nervous diarrhea really bad.

We have our clinical side. Then we have our human side. The clinical side is a given: do what we were trained to do. My human side? A bit more personal. I tend to muse about extra-special people that I would give anything to have in my chair. Anything. Just once. And it’s because of their gender, race, SES, political ideology, etc., that I must perform my titillating hygiene duties on them.

We all have our idiosyncrasies. My OCD compels me to share mine. Hee-heeee!

Dream Patient of the Week: Steven Colbert

Mr. Colbert, if there’s any chance you accidentally enter this site while surfing the internets for plaque-disrupting inspiration, I would like you to know that I love you. Every American-y, flag-waving inch of you. I adore you. Are you tall? I like tall. You appear taller than John Stewart. I also like suits. You wear a lot of suits. I like that. And I’m not crazy. My husband tolerates me just fine. He’s just playing Skyrim again.

I love your smile. I love the way you single me out and point that finger at me when you’re in my television. I love your ties, your glasses, and your opening-credit eagle that swoops into my face and shrieks hello. That eagle looks like it’s gonna fly right into me. Here it comes–  wheeeee!  I like that eagle.

I will also state the obvious: I love your teeth.

Let me see those patriotic beauties- oh! There they are. I don’t care how much calculus is on them. I love every one of your teeth equally. If you had the blackest, most tenacious chunks of bad boy tartar stuck to every inch of enamel in your mouth, I would still love you. That’s not strange, Mr. Colbert. That’s dedication. All I ask is for the chance to have you lay waaaay back on my USA-made operatory dental chair while I give you such a stone-cold, subgingival scaling it will flip your cyclopean Super PAC, baby.

And, after I gently marinate your inflamed gums with a superfreaky course of chlorhexidine gluconate, I would like to hold your hands and teach you how to floss… properly. That’s right.

In closing, I would appreciate an opportunity to express my respect and admiration of your brain… because it’s silly. You have a silly brain.

Filed Under: Fun, Humor Tagged With: dental humor, dental hygiene, Fun, humor

Stupid is as stupid does

January 10, 2012 By Eva Watson Leave a Comment

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Some say evil requires intelligence. To carry out cunning and sociopathic deeds against others is the mark of a person with smarts- albeit a warped, misguided, and hurtful kind of smart- but a modicum of intelligence nonetheless. These individuals are everywhere: schools, hospitals. Even our government. (Oh, but it’s true.)

However, evil is curiously absent in some dental practices:

http://www.poz.com/articles/detroit_hiv_lysol_401_21587.shtml

For the folks who followed around this poor guy with a can of Lysol due to his HIV+ status, I offer you a gift- a gift of knowledge that transcends any foul yet humorously stupid acts of malice that have been carried out against a human being for carrying a disease.

Ahem….

HIV is unable to reproduce outside its living host (unlike many bacteria or fungi, which may do so under suitable conditions), except under laboratory conditions; therefore, it does not spread or maintain infectiousness outside its host!!!!

http://www.cdc.gov/hiv/resources/qa/transmission.htm

Knowledge is indeed power. If only scientists would develop the first experimental can of anti-dolt aerosol; but, then again, there wouldn’t be enough to cleanse the dumb away.

Happy New Year, everyone! DentalBuzz is baaaa-aack!

Filed Under: News Tagged With: dental lawsuit

The Affluent Hygienist: What I Sold Today

October 28, 2011 By Eva Watson 2 Comments

During our clinical careers, most work hours trudge along in that low-production, uneventful kind of way; the clock ticks in the same, annoying drone when a prophylaxis is performed. You could have sworn you saw the same, greasy-looking hamburger and french fries cloud in the sky you observed yesterday during a failed attempt at sealant lecturing, and that grouchy, Irritable Bowel Syndrome patient you treated 6 months ago still refuses to purchase a power toothbrush.

These days are safe; predictable. Without a whisper of high-production excitement to unhinge the banality of those hours, we are denied the unexpected and out-of-body experience that is dental sales. I dare hold my exuberance back when I say those words for fear I may erupt with a fury of irrational giddiness. Hee-hee…

I wait. I wait in vain, for days, when I can give my all and open up the dental doors of productive seventh heaven. Then the days become months. The months may even turn into a year; I feel my superhero selling powers fading into non-credible obscurity.

So, in lieu of my manic cravings to sell dentistry to patients, (because the dentist wants me to) and to quell my thirst to eradicate boredom, I’m forced to let my imagination wander and hope for a rogue, banana-cream pie to explode in my face, a carrier-pigeon fly into my operatory with the answers on how to solve the country’s current economic issues; or even hope for more exploding things. We all have our vices- mine, unfortunately, happens to be laughing at anything and everything absurd.

But, then, the day finally came; I successfully sold dentistry to my patients! They accepted the treatment plans and so much more! I could, once again, hold my head up high, and feel my success within the mega-power of a free market.

My husband wasn’t home to share in a glass of champagne, but that’s OK. A toast: to me! Today was, to date, the most productive day of my career! If I was able to organize a ticker-tape parade just for myself I would, but I have tons of laundry to do so… I’m still amazing!

Allow me to recap the momentous day:

Patient #1: You didn’t think I would talk about braces, did you? You tried to explain your unemployment status to me when I mentioned your anterior crowding, and I simply stated how easy it would be to correct. You sneaky devil, you. Well, I can say, definitively, I rocked your malocclused world! $5000 payment upfront and bam! Oh, dear. My patient has a frowny face. I think I’m losing him. Reel it in, woman. I’ll bring him back to dental happiness.

“Your wife won’t be upset,” I said. “I mean, you’ll find a job soon. Once your orthodontia is completed you’ll be offered one job after the other. What employer wouldn’t want to hire a good-looking man such as yourself- and one with a pending, awesome smile?” My patient stirred a bit in his chair, but managed to turn his frown upside down.

“I have been wanting to do this for a long time. Thank you for talking with me about it.”

“My pleasure,” I said with a warm smile. Cha-CHING!

Patient #3: You know, it’s funny. I didn’t think power toothbrush production was lucrative, but, oh my, was I wrong. The holidays are right around the corner. Why wouldn’t this patient get one for each member of his immediate family? His holiday shopping is finished, electric plaque disruption at his house will be at its finest, and, because he purchased five of these little beauties, the dentist agreed to give him 3% off of his next whitening session! It’s only three-hundred dollars.

The patient seemed a bit concerned about something. I moved my chair in closer. “Is there anything else I can get for you?” I asked. “Well,” said the patient in an irritated voice, “I don’t think my mom will need this. She’s not well.” “I see,” I replied. “Is she home bound?” I asked. “She’s in the hospital,” said the patient.

“That’s alright,” I said kindly. “She can use the brush while she’s there!”

Patient #4: I was simply amazed at the utter rudeness of this woman. I had told her, time and time again, she was not complying with my oral hygiene instructions. I took into consideration her lack of funds and her terminated unemployment benefits, but, the truth is, she brought this upon herself. The dental boss-man gave me ‘that look’ and I knew instinctively what to do; I just hope what’s left of her insurance will cover all 10 sites of the antibiotic. The dentist said I should have placed more of the antibiotic in her mouth, but he seemed pleased I put her on two-month recare visits.

She better find work soon; our in-house periodontist needs some production.

Patient #7: What a nice man; so sweet and funny. Lovely person. I’m going to miss him. I hope he’ll be happy in his assisted living situation. He’s been a patient of the dentist’s for- twenty years or so? He seems quite depressed with the passing of his wife. Poor guy. I don’t understand why his adult children won’t take him in. He would be looked after, cared for twenty-four hours a day, and have someone to talk to.

His kids are so selfish. I told them the implants would only come out to a little less than $5000. The man is on a reverse mortgage, so it’s not like he’s still paying for his home. Jeesh. I don’t see why they won’t help him out financially. I’m sure this gentleman has some retirement funds left. I mean, come on. Give a little. We’ve been giving him free toothbrushes for over twenty years!

Oh, well. No worries. My lecture on the replacement of four of his failed amalgams to crowns seemed to have opened his family’s ears. At least this patient is leaving with a newer mouth- today! Woot! I do hope they told the front desk of my efforts. They should know who held the ‘magic wand’ here. Give credit where credit is due, people.

Patient # 8: Hmm. Her plaque was minimal. Her build-up was completely negligible. Her gingivae was pink, firm, and stippled. There wasn’t anything there! How boring- and how rude. The least she could do is refer some of her friends to the practice. Although, she did purchase three home whitening kits from me… at forty bucks a pack! Booyah! Wonder how long she’ll be on COBRA insurance?

Uh-oh. Looks like she wants to talk. “My insurance is going to end soon,” said the patient sheepishly. “I see,” I replied, nodding my head slowly. The patient continued. “There’s no way I’ll be able to afford the veneers on all those front front teeth,” she said.

I pushed back the patient’s armrest of her chair, and had her follow me to the treatment plan conference room. I handed her the ‘pamphlet of redemption’.

“This is a brochure on CareCredit. It’s fantastic. I’m sure you’ll be approved for the service. I’ll have the office manager come in and talk with you about it.”

“Oh, OK,” said the patient quietly.

How fabulous am I? I don’t know. Genius is difficult to measure.

Patient #11: Thank you. Thank you for accepting my recommendations for full mouth SRP, that implant with crown, and whitening, as well as your glowing compliments to the dentist about my professionalism. You’ve put a smile on my face.

“Will my insurance cover all of this?” asked the patient.

“Your insurance should cover some of it, yes,” I stated.

“Well, what part won’t it cover?” asked the patient in a suddenly testy voice.

“I believe your insurance won’t cover the implant,” I replied.

“That’s the most expensive part of all this! Where am I going to get the money for that? I can’t find a job,” replied the patient.

“I understand. I do. Let’s find out what we can offer you up at the front desk,” I said.

“Do you mean a discount?” asked the patient.

“You bet. I’m sure the dentist would be more than happy to offer you some help,” I replied kindly.

“Well, what kind of a discount would I be eligible for?” asked the patient.

“You know, I’m not sure. Business has been really slow due to the lingering recession, but I’ll inquire for you at the front desk,” I said quietly. My head spun like a metal top when I walked slowly to the reception desk. My internal dialogue went into a panic-stricken, paranoid plea of nervousness.

Please give her a discount. Please give her one. I’ll get my bonus for the implant if they give her a discount. I’m so hungry. I need money for lunch. If I don’t eat something soon I’m going to keel over in front of the doctor, then he’ll think I’m sick and start to wonder if I can keep up with thirty minute prophys and may want to get rid of me and find another hygienist younger and more fit who will be able to handle the schedule and sell more dentistry.

Please, please, please give her the discount…

Whew. This has been the best day ever! I am a goddess of dental persuasion and an inspiring team player. I am a glorious specimen of professionalism, kindness, and knowledge and only a few may stand in awe of my greatness. The dentist said I shouldn’t have offered that last patient a five percent discount on her implant, but he seemed pleased that she accepted the treatment. My superhero potency has returned full strength. I am devoid of all negative thoughts, and the force I have as a hygiene-selling-powerhouse is pulsing through my veins.

I. AM. INVINCIBLE.

Now… what will my $5.00 incentive check buy me for lunch today?

Filed Under: Humor, Money

RDH Editor Extraordinaire: Mark Hartley

August 31, 2011 By Eva Watson 1 Comment

by Eva Watson

There are people that claim they are advocates of stuff; they partake in advocate-y types of things without much credence to back up their statements. Then again, there are those who are dedicated to the continuing awesomeness of support to an idea; a cause; or a spectacular organization of professionals.

Dental hygienists are pretty much the awesomeness I was referring to. Kneel when you approach.

I’m proud to introduce Mark Hartley, editor of RDH Magazine and overall good guy, to the DentalBuzz audience.

Mark took some time to answer questions while he was busy attending RDH/Under One Roof.

DB: How did you become the editor of RDH Mag?

MH: I was basically a flunky for RDH throughout most of the 1980s and early 1990s. Did proofreading, subbed in for editors when they were on vacation or on the road. In 1995, PennWell acquired RDH and asked me to help with the transition. I must have done all right, because the company asked me to stay on as the editor. So I have been the editor since 1995.

DB: A flunky- I love it. How have your opinions evolved regarding the dental hygiene industry over the course of sixteen years with RDH Magazine?

MH: I think I recognized that hygienists such as Irene Woodall, Regina Dreyer, Trisha O’Hehir, etc., were part of a second generation of leaders, guiding the profession to where it is today. But I don’t think I had a full appreciation of it until I became the editor. I have always encouraged hygienists to express themselves as writers, and I think the magazine fortunately has witnessed that during the past 16 years.

There have been some terrific writers over the past 16 years. If I may so, you’re a proud member of the current generation. On another front, manufacturers have always supported the ADHA and RDH magazines throughout the years. But I think we have actually observed them being actively engaged with the profession. RDH Under One Roof is one example of it. Another example is the career growths of dental hygienists who embarked on second careers with corporations. They used to be just “professional educators,” sent out to the state hygiene meetings to do seminars. But all of the major dental corporations now have dental hygienists in key positions, and they are profoundly influencing the relationship between manufacturers and dental hygienists.

DB: RDH Magazine is an outstanding vehicle for hygienists to stamp vital opinions in. Have you seen an increase in dentist support for the publication during the years? Or is the current consensus from dentists the ever-present, “Dental hygiene?  It’s not rocket science.  Any schmuck can clean teeth.”?

MH: We did a survey last April where 103 dental hygienists commented on the politics of the relationship between the two professions. Interestingly, 57% said their boss would vote in favor of dental hygiene to enhance patient care if a state board asked the hygienist’s employer to cast the deciding vote. We also asked who was the most supportive person in a dental office. “Dentists” was the largest response at 38%. That, of course, is not a majority. But the next highest percentage was “no one” at 21%, followed by 17% who indicated a front office person was the most supportive. So, hygienists are naturally, very offended by derogatory attitudes on the political level. On a personal career level, it’s a different story.

DB: You know what would be great? A national game of ‘Capture the Flag’ between RDHs and dentists. Only the youngest, fittest, and newly-licensed hygienists hungry for jobs would represent our side while the dentist team would have the most burnt-out, crotchety, old-men with a penchant for thirty-minute prophylaxes screaming, “Off sides! Those hygienists are off sides!” when, all along, the dentists just got frustrated because they know the RDHs were much better at capturing their flag.  I would definitely watch that game.

MH: Well, I’d hate to see myself as a cheerleader. I think the spectators would be thoroughly depressed with that image. On the other hand, we recently did a rate-uniform-scrubs survey; it was sort of a Project Runway voting on dental uniforms. One person wrote in to say she would like to see me in one of those scrub tops. I guess I could bite the bullet for the home team.

DB: Yeah, baby!  Just please let the scrub top be of a solid color. The unsettling vision of you sporting a Betty-Boop printed scrub top is not quite the lasting impression the fans need to see.  Know what I mean?

MH: Absolutely. Even the three dogs who own me would howl mournfully, long into the night.

 

It takes an exceptional person to admit their limitations in the arena of dental scrub top fashion. There are only so many horrific prints our eyes can handle.

Filed Under: Anecdotes, Interviews Tagged With: dental hygienists, Interviews, RDH Magazine

Poultry pearly-whites

July 18, 2011 By Eva Watson Leave a Comment

by Eva Watson

 

 

Notable people are not of this earth; they are quintessentially, superhero-perfect in every way.  From their sparkly, alien eyes to their effervescent way they secretly speak to us through television, film, books and music, their aura of mesmerizing personalities and fan-stalking abilities truly places them on a much higher plane of being.  They are alluring.  They are special.

And most would not give me the time of day.

But I must be able to touch the divine; I must know about their teeth.

William Jablonsky, professor of English at Loras College and author of The Indestructible Man (Livingston Press) and his most recent novel, The Clockwork Man (Medallion Press), granted me permission to briefly ask about his oral health regimen and his thoughts on electric toothbrushes.

DB: Why is oral health important to you?

WJ: Primarily because I don’t want to look like a stereotypical Englishman, nor to have breath that can peel the chrome off a trailer.

DB: If you had to choose between flossing in the morning or night which would you choose and why?

WJ: I feel fortunate that I do not have to choose, but if I did, the morning, simply because that’s when I’d actually be thinking about it.

DB: What would be the ultimate feature of an electric toothbrush?

WJ: One that has a built-in Taser. I prefer my methods of self-defense to be non-lethal.

DB: What would be the best tasting toothpaste ever?

WJ: Chicken tikka masala-flavored toothpaste. No one would buy it but me, but I’d buy all of it.

Why the toothpaste industry hasn’t begun to develop alternative-flavored toothpaste is a mystery to me, but clearly, huge changes are needed to meet the demand for those who desire the dentifrice, taste sensation that is meat.

 

 

Filed Under: Anecdotes, Fun Tagged With: Electric toothbrush, flavored toothpaste, William Jablonsky

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DentalBuzz explores rising trends in dentistry with its own slant. The speed at which new products and ideas enter the dental field can often outpace our ability to understand just exactly the direction in which we are heading. But somehow, by being a little less serious about dentistry and dental care, we might get closer to making sense of it all.

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