Actually it’s the pretend dialogue that’ll get you giggling about the silliness of small talk. Be sure to turn your speakers up:
Archives for June 2011
Timewarp Tuesdays: the cuspidor
Helping to frame our future are the particulars from the past. Welcome to TimeWarp Tuesdays, where you can savor the soul food of “I remember that,” recoil from the utter barbarity of the not so good ol’ days, or simply be amused and entertained.
This cuspidor was a hot seller in the 1890’s and gave way to more modern versions of the “swish and spit” bowl well into the 1980’s. If it weren’t for the AIDS epidemic in the US we might not have ever gotten rid of these germholes. But yet, they’re still part of modern dentistry in most other countries. What gives?
image courtesy of GoogleBooks
“It has no depressions in the bowl to catch and hold filth.” Wow. Gross. That’s all the imagery I need in order to feel like we moved in the right direction.
This is not Dental Justice
Photoshop is fun. You can use it to make a fake Yelp review to help illustrate a point that you’re trying to make about something else. Like a patient writing an online review of your dental practice:
Vindication, finally! Yelp lets me air the true story of this miserable experience, and no one can stop me. First off, I had total confidence in the way I cared for my car – had the tires rotated every six months, oil changes every 3000 miles, if it was in the manual, I had it done. About a year after I’d moved into town was when I began noticing a drift to the left (irrespective of the politics here *grin*) so I took my car into Dodgy’s Auto Clinic, which had the highest score on RateMechanics.com. Get this! As I’m filling out some paperwork, one of the forms they’ve handed me is a “Privacy Agreement” that asked me to transfer ownership of any public commentary I might write in the future to Dodgy’s. Like this review – supposedly they now own it. Did the red flag go up? Definitely. Did I heed the warning? Unfortunately not. This mechanic BUTCHERED my car. Nothing feels the same. There are rattles where none previously existed, the steering wheel shimmies when I make a turn, and whenever I drive I just feel like taking a bus instead, it’s THAT BAD. They did fix the drift though, only now it goes in the opposite direction. Just in case I was insane I took it to another shop to get an opinion about their repairs. The second place agreed that unneccessary “treatment” had happened and that it would be difficult and pricey to undo the damage. In the end Dodgy’s did refund my money and asked that I not rip them apart online. I bet! The last thing they did as I walked out was to wave that “agreement” at me. Like it has any authority to do anything except make me mad. I have a destroyed car, and people should know the truth about this “Auto Clinic.” So, Bring it, Dodgy’s. Bring your lawyers. I’ve got everything I need to defend my words. You want to own my words? Here. OWN EM. I now own YOU.
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This is a frightening scenario for any service provider. We have a clearly upset individual that seems sincerely convinced her car was ruined by a repair shop. And just one of these unfavorable reviews can inflict massive online damage.
Now let’s take this to dentistry. You got some patients out there talking smack about the quality of your work. Not your chairside manner, not your front office person who was less than helpful about payment arrangements. We are in the heart of your business, a heart that could be ripped out by a singular disgruntled review.
The gas-powered dental drill
Have you seen the most recent ad about electric vehicles, namely the Leaf? Hey, Nissan, the sedation dentists of the world thank you once again for reinforcing patient fears in an original way that also serves your agenda.
When you’ve said it once…
You’re a dental professional, you want to do your job well, accomplish a task and then move on to the next one. But there’s one critical thing that can make or break you, no matter how excellent your clinical skills are: you must also speak to the subject of your work.
Duh, talking about patients here! They’re your subject, and they expect to have somewhat of a conversation with you. You must use words to initiate your job, and a few to end it as you leave. Otherwise you’ll look like an assembly-line worker that’s too good to talk to the product. Hey, Doritos. You’re going into that bag nicely. Thanks for the job security.
So you create little lines here and there that you find yourself repeating to Mrs. Graham, Mr. Burgess, little Jacob. Hi, how’s it going? What concerns are you having? We’re going to lay you back now.
Eventually patients are able to pick up on the fact that you’ve turned a phrase hundreds of times, said it to hundreds of people. That’s when your assistant cringes because those stale words sound like the flight attendant talking about the mask that will drop down out of the ceiling if heaven breaks loose and descends into the airplane cabin. Sheesh. You’re just trying to fix a tooth here.
If you can’t get a personality transplant (which I did once and it was great at first, but then my old personality got bored and ate it), then your other alternative is to ditch the worn-out words and get new ones! Might I suggest trying on a few of these to make a change in your patient rapport:
•Dude, what’s your problem? Just kidding, it’s right here in the schedule.
•You’re going to feel a little mosquito-bite with this injection, and then its momma will be by to bite you GOOD!
•Alright, now turn to the left and cough.
•So what’s going on in your life that you’re too stressed to talk about? Don’t tell me about anything fun or interesting, that’s too easy.
•Hole La. May yammo ace Doctor Bacon. Day donday ace el dough lore? (Say this to everyone, even if they don’t speak Spanish. Or even if your last name isn’t Bacon.)
•Tell me, what hole do you want to have filled today?
•Uh oh, 15 minutes to Judge Wapner.
•(singing this song as you lower the chair): Baby going down down down down down.
•You say you’d rather be at the OBGYN than at the dentist office? Well make up your mind so that I can shine this light in the right place.
•See you in six months, or whenever you work up the courage to come back.
•Well that was easy. For me, at least.
Now it’s your turn. I’m sure you’ve heard colleagues use phrases that make you grit your teeth every time you hear them. With all anonymity please share yours in the comment section below. Words are powerful, even ones that are tossed around long after they’re worn out.
So what phrases are you tired of hearing? Which ones crack you up?