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There’s an app for teeth bleaching

May 23, 2011 By Trish Walraven 6 Comments

By Trish Walraven

This picture was snapped at the local mall last week. If your Sephora shop is like ours, it has recently capitalized on its space across the mall from the Apple Store and is now targeting the same people who like to wear iPods around their necks. Glowy! White! Cords! Teeth? Hmmm.

I haven’t actually purchased the Glo™ system so the least I could do is to try to help sell a few of them with this exclusive “DentalBuzz How-To Guide for Avoiding the Dentist But Still Whiten Your Teeth a Tiny Bit.”

Step 1: Remind yourself that you really hate the dentist. And justify your reasons for not going to one by telling yourself that you brush every day with a toothpaste that you see advertised on TV. And mouthwash. You always use mouthwash, because it protects your teeth. So you don’t need a dentist.

Step 2: Save up $275. This is very important because you can’t get white teeth for free, no matter how much you see it offered by area dentists as a special for new patients. It’s NOT FREE. Also, make sure not to read up on any scientific studies about how light-activated or heat-activated whitening is no more effective than bleaching gel alone. Or that dentists use bleaching gel that is usually more than triple the strength of the strongest OTC whitener available. None of that matters because you are going to do this yourself with your own hard-earned money. Besides, insurance doesn’t cover whitening anyway so that’s one more way that a dentist won’t be ripping you off.

Step 3: Purchase the Glo Brilliant™ Personal Teeth Whitening Device at the place of your choice, either at Home Shopping Network, or Sephora, or directly from GloScience. And then justify the purchase one more time because the company has “science” in their name, after all.

Step 4: This is the most fun step! Take all of the stuff out of the kit and marvel over it. SPOILER ALERT! I’m going to tell you what you get:

•A lighted mouthpiece that comes with its own case!
•10 G-Vials! Futuristic-looking smearable 6% hydrogen peroxide gel tubes with built in brushes. G-Vials. Sounds kinky.
•The Glo™ Control. It’s so three generations of iPods ago….but….FOR TEETH!
•A Charging Dock! Docking is fun. And a Music Player! (just kidding, no music)
•A USB power plug. It plugs into your computer! And its for your teeth! (you should be squealing by now with joy).
•Glo™ Lip Balm. Because hydrogen peroxide is caustic.
•a BAG!!!! To carry it all in! Because you want to be able to whiten your teeth at your mom’s, while you’re driving to your job interview, or wherever you have an urge to wear the GloControl around your neck.

Step 5: Check to see that the GloControl is charged and hang it around your neck. You wouldn’t want to be putting the mouthpiece in your mouth all dark, now, would you? Also, apply a thin layer of the lip balm on your lips, and pout, because you’re too cute to get burned.

Step 6: Open one of the G-Vials and squeeze it until the gel appears on the brush (ooh. higher. Higher. There.). Brush the gel onto the fronts of teeth, taking care not to slobber on them.

Step 7: Plug in the mouthpiece, press the GLO button, unhinge your jaw and then cram the mouthpiece all the way in until it covers both your top and bottom teeth. Watch this video if you think I’m exaggerating.

Step 8: Spend the next eight minutes going about your day. This is verbatim from the GloScience website. Then you’ll want to immediately do Step 6 through Step 8 three more times, for 32 consecutive minutes per day. One G-Vial per day for ten days.

Step 9: Marvel at how much whiter your teeth are! You’ll probably notice a change, and hopefully the bleaching will last longer than a month, but if it doesn’t, just repeat Step 1 over and over until you feel better. And then buy some G-Vial refills. You know how you like your G-Vials.

Do you remember what came before this in the mall? The chairs, the lights, the kiosks, the leased-out spaces with people parading around in white lab coats? I think that this is a change for the good, and because the treatment course is similar to that recommended by dentists, it probably is much more effective. Well, except for the light. But then no one could charge so much just for the bleach and the tray?

Here’s to the power of bling.

Filed Under: Products Tagged With: GloScience. Glo Brilliant, linkedin, Teeth Bleaching, Teeth Whitening

Comments

  1. Eva Watson says

    May 23, 2011 at 3:40 pm

    This product is fantastic! Bling, indeed!

    Reply
  2. Eva Watson says

    May 24, 2011 at 6:17 am

    But I think I’ll stick to my trays.

    Reply
  3. Emy @ Fluoride Varnish says

    July 20, 2011 at 11:36 pm

    Happy to know that i will get white teeth without the help of a dentist. No doubt Bling is great product. Keep informing us about such products.

    Reply
  4. Adam says

    March 24, 2013 at 8:39 pm

    Trish,

    Great article (and funny too)! We have special deal with Glo and we will be selling the kits for the lowest price around, about $189 or maybe even lower! The website is http://www.GloWhitening.net and it should be up and running soon – if you could mention that we are another retailer along with sephora and HSN your readers will thank you! And I will too…if there’s anything we can do in return please let me know.

    Reply
  5. Jason says

    September 10, 2013 at 1:56 am

    The guy who invented this is a dentist. And a professor at NYU. I don’t know who to believe. The Dental professor from NYU who has a private practice on 5th Ave. or a blogger who hasn’t been inside an Apple Store in about 7 years.

    Reply
    • buzzadmin says

      September 14, 2013 at 10:53 pm

      Or a blogger who didn’t add the date to a post that was 7 years old.. can you believe that? Besides, all you have to believe is that this stuff is WORTH IT and it WORKS, right? 🙂

      Reply

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DentalBuzz explores rising trends in dentistry with its own slant. The speed at which new products and ideas enter the dental field can often outpace our ability to understand just exactly the direction in which we are heading. But somehow, by being a little less serious about dentistry and dental care, we might get closer to making sense of it all.

So yeah, a tongue-in-cheek pun would fit really nicely here, but that would be in bad taste. Never mind, it just happened anyways. Stop reading sidebars already and click on some content instead.

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