by Eva Watson
Attention dental patients everywhere:
Feel like that new crown isn’t fitting right? Do you feel it may cause discomfort? Brain hemorrhaging? Death? Well, put that phone down, you silly thing. Your lawyer can wait because June is ‘Don’t Sue Your Dentist’ Awareness Month.
As an act of marginal sympathy, I ask those patients who plan on crushing the livelihoods of their dentists to refrain, for a moment, and search your heart for a modicum of compassion. In the spirit of ‘Don’t Sue Your Dentist’ Awareness Month, I offer latent plaintiffs a poetic gesture of retort on behalf of your dentists. I call this poem, “Oh, Come ON! You Gotta Be F%$@! Kidding Me?!”
Oh, Come ON! You Gotta Be F%$@! Kidding Me?!”
Beyond the reaches of simple men
You further the legions
Of those who wish to harm us
Into the shadows of the Beast
(The Man with the Briefcase)
We shall overturn your
Tortuous hands in our pockets
And fight… fight!
For the putrid, rotting silver in
The mouths of those who wish to
Destroy us was but a step away from
Excavation into Happiness
A porcelain utopia
Awaited those who turned on our Good selves
The wrath that disguises itself as
Innocent sufferer is the Devil
In Disguise and I’m bringing you down along with your pandering attorney!
Yeah! Booyah! How do ya like me now? Can’t hear that, you say? I said
I’m gonna countersue you!
I’m gonna Smear your name like a laboratory sample
On a glass slide!
And I’m gonna get your little dog, too!