I also remember wanting to hurl myself into the bathroom. The speech I had to give moments before gave me nervous diarrhea really bad.

We have our clinical side. Then we have our human side. The clinical side is a given: do what we were trained to do. My human side? A bit more personal. I tend to muse about extra-special people that I would give anything to have in my chair. Anything. Just once. And it’s because of their gender, race, SES, political ideology, etc., that I must perform my titillating hygiene duties on them.

We all have our idiosyncrasies. My OCD compels me to share mine. Hee-heeee!

Dream Patient of the Week: Steven Colbert

Mr. Colbert, if there’s any chance you accidentally enter this site while surfing the internets for plaque-disrupting inspiration, I would like you to know that I love you. Every American-y, flag-waving inch of you. I adore you. Are you tall? I like tall. You appear taller than John Stewart. I also like suits. You wear a lot of suits. I like that. And I’m not crazy. My husband tolerates me just fine. He’s just playing Skyrim again.

I love your smile. I love the way you single me out and point that finger at me when you’re in my television. I love your ties, your glasses, and your opening-credit eagle that swoops into my face and shrieks hello. That eagle looks like it’s gonna fly right into me. Here it comes–  wheeeee!  I like that eagle.

I will also state the obvious: I love your teeth.

Let me see those patriotic beauties- oh! There they are. I don’t care how much calculus is on them. I love every one of your teeth equally. If you had the blackest, most tenacious chunks of bad boy tartar stuck to every inch of enamel in your mouth, I would still love you. That’s not strange, Mr. Colbert. That’s dedication. All I ask is for the chance to have you lay waaaay back on my USA-made operatory dental chair while I give you such a stone-cold, subgingival scaling it will flip your cyclopean Super PAC, baby.

And, after I gently marinate your inflamed gums with a superfreaky course of chlorhexidine gluconate, I would like to hold your hands and teach you how to floss… properly. That’s right.

In closing, I would appreciate an opportunity to express my respect and admiration of your brain… because it’s silly. You have a silly brain.

This introductory email should sufficiently scare you away from even thinking about going to the dark side:

Dear Sir/Madam:

Good day! I am very pleasure to send you an E-mail to introduce our product– ISOlight Shining Suction! Pls check attachment. This product can bring a few of advantage for dentistry:

1. Work Faster, Brighter, Drier

ISOlight Shining Suction is with a continuous, powerful and shadowless illumination. Dentist can see it mach more clearly inside mouth, then they can work accurately and faster. The special design mouthpiece can supply a widely space for dentist. Operation become more convenience. This device can connect with high/low suction. then the water will go throuth mouthpiece and maintain mouth drier. The patient doesn’t need to get up the spit the water.

2. Shining Suction Stop Interruption and save more time, dentst can get more appointment

Base of the advantage, dentst can complete the operation faster and patient become more comfortable. EACH OPERATION WILL BE FAST 25%-30%. In the same working time, dentist can take more appointment and create more profit. In the same time, dentist and patient would not feel tried.

3.  Save Work

Shining Suction supply self-suction. Nurse doesn’t need to stay beside patient and hold high/low suction. She/he will be free to do the other assistance such as: mix the colophony and materail, clean the instrument, do autoclavable, pass and take the instrument etc. Then dentist can do operation more dedicated.

4. Safe

Special Mouthpiece will protect tongue and cheek. Patient will not be easy to get hurt.

5. Better Ergonomics

The ergonomic design of Shining Suction reduces fatigue and repetitive stress associated with retraction, suctioning, eyestrain, and motion spent adjusting headlights, overhead light or otherwise positioning the patient for better access or visibility.

6. Save Cost

The bright shining suction will supply the powerful light in mouth. Dentist doesn’t need to buy expensive fiber optic product, such as: Fiber optic handpice, fiber optic scaler, headlight, etc.

ISOlight Shining Suction is the new revolution dental product with many useful advantage. It will definitely help you increase your efficiency and profit. ISOlight will be your best assistant on your job.

If you have any question, pls feel free to contact me.

Do you still fight in the hard competition of old product? Do you still think about how to increase your business? Do you still warry about the profit reduce of old product? I think it is time to indraught ISOlight Shining Suction to help you.

For more detail and best distributor price, pls send E-mail to reference with your company detail.

Sincerely waitting for your reply. Have a nice day! Best regard

Kevin Guan, Export Manager, Codent Technology Co., Ltd

_________

If you ever see any other dental product knockoffs let us know here at DentalBuzz so we can “out” the dastardly company. SOPA and PIPA censoring isn’t the answer to problems like this on the internet. Awareness can only go so far, too. The real stand today has to be internal, so make sure that you continue to promote good enterprise instead of just free enterprise.

And it’s so hard for me to stand firm on my ethics because they make some REALLY CUTE HERMES BAG knockoffs out there! But I must stand up. For Isolite. And for every innovative company online that does its best to stay honest.

Want an eye-opener for contrast? Go to the full website and browse through the “real” videos sprinkled along their page tops. I’m sorry, but they’re flat. Where did the real personalities go? Now they just look and sound like any other dental team that’s going all “flaming logo” with their online presence.

This is proof that we all can ditch some of the formality and instead take a side turn down spontaneous lane. If you have that spark of fun in your office, let it show. Big. Bigger. You are awesome, remember?

And save some of that high-end tech for your dental equipment.

Some say evil requires intelligence. To carry out cunning and sociopathic deeds against others is the mark of a person with smarts- albeit a warped, misguided, and hurtful kind of smart- but a modicum of intelligence nonetheless. These individuals are everywhere: schools, hospitals. Even our government. (Oh, but it’s true.)

However, evil is curiously absent in some dental practices:

http://www.poz.com/articles/detroit_hiv_lysol_401_21587.shtml

For the folks who followed around this poor guy with a can of Lysol due to his HIV+ status, I offer you a gift- a gift of knowledge that transcends any foul yet humorously stupid acts of malice that have been carried out against a human being for carrying a disease.

Ahem….

HIV is unable to reproduce outside its living host (unlike many bacteria or fungi, which may do so under suitable conditions), except under laboratory conditions; therefore, it does not spread or maintain infectiousness outside its host!!!!

http://www.cdc.gov/hiv/resources/qa/transmission.htm

Knowledge is indeed power. If only scientists would develop the first experimental can of anti-dolt aerosol; but, then again, there wouldn’t be enough to cleanse the dumb away.

Happy New Year, everyone! DentalBuzz is baaaa-aack!

I never trust faxes.

Except for the occasional antiquated piece of paper that requires a signature that can be penned and sent right back, most of the spam that dribbles out of our office fax machine is a waste of a phone number. And sometimes we’ll even get a fax from someone who is apparently trying to steal our money.

Like this one:

Did you get this fax today, too? Seems like a lot of dentists throughout the country were targeted by some idiot that has never watched TV. Like, duh, don’t you know that there are all sorts of safeguards in this country against scam artists? That sooner or later when you pick up any checks that were mailed to your post office box and then when you deposit one, don’t you think that someone will be watching you?

Okay, so unless the American Dental Association has outsourced its money handling to another part of the country (and they’re not asking for your state and local dues anymore!), it’s pretty safe just to ignore this fax. Or, if you’re feeling creative, you can use it to test the rat-smelling of your business manager, but I wouldn’t recommend the possibility of throwing away over $500 just to reinforce something you probably already know.

Thanks to Dr. Craig Harder for sending me this copy so that I can chuckle at the stupidity of its sender, and possibly warn a few of the less-savvy users of heavy office equipment that the faxes they receive may not always behave themselves.

You have been naughty, fax machine. Time to shut you down.

Jan 19, 2012 UPDATE:

The ADA sent out this eMEMO today:

On January 3, all ADA member dentists with an email address in our database received a special communication from the ADA to alert them about fraudulent invoices that were faxed to many dental offices. As follow-up, we are providing members with an update on what has occurred since our initial communications.

Background

On January 3, a number of member dentists contacted the ADA regarding the fraudulent invoices, prompting the Association to distribute an alert that afternoon to member and nonmember dentists, leadership and staff at state and local dental societies, recognized specialty organizations and other organizations and individuals within the dental community. A standby statement was also prepared for the media.

The alert stated that the ADA does not use fax communications to collect membership dues, and that the ADA does not sell, rent or publish in any way the fax numbers of current or former member dentists in our database. Additionally, all dues invoices for tripartite members are mailed from state or local dental societies, and invoices for other ADA “direct” membership categories are sent by mail as well.

The fraudulent fax appeared to be a standard invoice that asked the recipient to send a $575 payment to the American Dental Association/ADA Association, Membership Processing Dept., P.O. Box 1403, Brockton, MA 02303-1483.

Dentists whose offices were in receipt of a fax as described above were advised to not respond or send payment to the P.O. box.

In a statement from ADA Executive Director Dr. Kathleen O’Loughlin, “Getting the word out and taking steps to protect our members have been our top priorities,” adding that there was no breach of ADA information or member data.

Update on actions by the ADA
The ADA has continued to work closely with U.S. Postal Service authorities. The following is a brief summary of what has occurred to protect our members:

1. On Jan. 5, within 48 hours of hearing about this issue, the ADA filed a civil action in the Boston federal court that issued a temporary restraining order (TRO) requiring that any mail sent to the P.O. box to be held by the U.S. Postal Service and not made available to the individual renting the P.O. box.
2. On January 17, the TRO issued previously was converted into a preliminary injunction, and the file has been unsealed.
3. The U.S. Postal Inspection Service is considering instituting an investigation, and has also referred the matter to the U.S. Attorney’s office in Boston for possible criminal prosecution.

What to do if you received one of the faxed invoices
Do not send a payment. Additionally, if you still have a copy of what you believe may be a fraudulent invoice, please forward it to Tom Elliott, deputy chief legal counsel, by email at “elliottt@ada.org” or by fax to 312.440.2562, along with your name and ADA number.

What to do if you sent a payment to the P.O. box
So far the Post Office in Brockton has received more than 170 pieces of mail to the P.O. box. It is hoped that the action the ADA took to seal the post office box occurred before any checks were received, as the box was empty when it was sealed on January 5.

•As a precaution, if your office has sent a check to the P.O. box, we encourage you to “stop payment” on the check. While there is normally a small cost associated with this, there is also the comfort of knowing your check cannot be cashed.
•We also ask that you contact the ADA Member Service Center at 800.621.8099. ADA staff is assembling a list of dentists known to have sent checks so we can communicate with and reconcile records with the U.S. Post Office. You will be asked to complete a release form that will allow us to verify if the P.O. box has received a check from you. Additionally, we are told the U.S. Postal Service plans to communicate directly with those individuals who have sent mail to the P.O. box.

Dentists are urged to share this information with all staff on their dental team and direct further questions or concerns to the ADA Member Service Center at 800.621.8099.

If Your Teeth Could Talk…

The Mouth Offers Clues to Disorders and Disease; Dentists Could Play Larger Role in Patient Care

Way to go, WSJ.

Onetime Chicago dentist Gary Kimmel went to prison in 2009 after he admitted he aided pimps in a prostitution trafficking ring.

 The aid included providing space in Marina Towers for paid sex acts to happen, buying luxury cars for pimps in his name and keeping his office open late to fix the teeth of battered prostitutes.

In one case, Kimmel fixed a prostitute’s teeth for free in exchange for her performing sex acts for his friend, according to prosecutors.

That was back when Kimmel, affectionately referred to as “Doc” by those who know him, ran a popular and successful dental practice at 233 E. Erie.

In an emergency bid at the time of his indictment, the state stripped Kimmel of his ability to practice dentistry. He was sentenced to 37 months in 2009.

Now, Kimmel is already out of prison.

And despite his felony conviction, the Chicago Sun-Times has learned he is ready to practice dentistry again — and eligible to renew his license.

click to read the full story here

              _______________________________________

What a swell guy, this “Doc,” thinking to himself that no good deed goes unpunished. Seriously, this was the thanks he got for giving out dentistry to battered women?

Truth is, if he does get his license back, I imagine that Dr. Kimmel’s career might ultimately be salvageable if he’s willing to be a prostitute for a pimp. Shoe on the other foot, so to speak.

Only we’ll substitute the word “dentist” for “prostitute” and “corporate dentistry” for “pimp.”

Yeah, that sounds about right.

December 5, 2011

Dear Doctor,

A small number of Invisalign practices have recently elected to offer their dental services and Invisalign treatment specifically through social coupons such as Groupon and Living Social. In response to this marketing practice, Align has received a number of complaints from other Invisalign customers who highlight that Invisalign is a rigorously regulated class II medical device which requires specialized medical training and a doctor’s prescription. As neither Invisalign nor the associated dental services are generic commodities, these Invisalign customers feel the use of social coupons is not in the patient’s best interests, and is unethical and demeaning to the dental profession.

We agree. In fact, Align does not endorse the arbitrary sale of dental services and Invisalign treatment through social coupons and is not a party to any such offerings. Align believes that the interests of both prospective patients and the practitioner are best protected by requiring a patient examination to confirm a patient`s suitability for Invisalign treatment before extending an offer to treat. Because both your services and each Invisalign treatment are unique (like the needs of each patient), we do not believe that either are appropriate for the web-based, group-buying social coupon process.

You should also be aware that the laws of most States prohibit practitioners from splitting fees with third-parties or non-practitioners. In response to the increase in the sale of medical services through social coupons, there is a growing sentiment that the sharing of fees between a doctor and social coupon sponsor may constitute such an illegal fee splitting arrangement. As a result, we encourage all Invisalign practitioners who may be considering participation in the social coupon process to consult with their attorney to evaluate the legal risks associated with such a transaction.

We hope you find information on these issues helpful. Because the dental services environment is evolving almost as rapidly as the technology itself, we intend to keep you current with our assessment of the latest trends so you can better achieve your practice goals. If you have any questions or comments, please contact your Invisalign representative or email us at customersupport@aligntech.com.

Best Regards,

Dan Ellis
Vice President, North America Sales
Align Technology, Inc.

So dude, if you’re going to try and get new customers with Groupons, just don’t promise to do any actual dentistry! Offer patients something unique that you don’t need a license for, like this suggestion that was offered here at DentalBuzz a few months back!

If not, you’re probably better off using this method of get-’em-in-the-door marketing:

Hey, it’s your choice!

Admit it, you can’t help but call the long cylindrical chunk of metal pointing out from your x-ray machine anything but a cone. Even though it probably wasn’t a cone when you were in dental school. It hasn’t been a cone for over 30 years.  But maybe you’re old enough to remember a cone getting pointed at you when you were a kid, like I am.

Back in the early 70′s it was all about sleek and modern – there was something a little sexy about the cone, like it was one-half of a pointy brassiere aimed right next to your eye. A woman would cram something in your mouth, tilt the cone at your face and then leave the room for a moment, giving you time alone with it to contemplate its form and function, maybe try a little small talk with it.

Intriguing, this cone.

Come to find out, it was just a cheap plastic pointer, as exemplified in this advertisement from 1945:

See what I mean about the wistful gaze, our GI mesmerized by that white cone because it reminds him of a part of his sweetheart back home? You can click on him to get a better look at the advertising copy. And AHHHHH! Seriously? Pointing it RIGHT AT HIS CAJONES? We’ve come a long way since then.

Plaskon touted that its cones could withstand “…the terrific impact of X-rays which can disturb the molecular structure of many materials.” Many materials… like human flesh?

Apparently the reason that cones were phased out was because they were an impedance to radiation safety, and so they have since been replaced with the familiar long cylinder collimators. About the same time that the medical community figured out that scatter radiation was preventable, they also realized that imaging could be improved with focused beaming techniques. So the cone is gone, even though the name lives on.

And so to honor the history of dental radiography, I now present you with this Dental Radiographic Cone homage collage:

BZZT! ZAP! [sizzle] ffffphP.  I can almost smell the singe of old wires firing up.

During our clinical careers, most work hours trudge along in that low-production, uneventful kind of way; the clock ticks in the same, annoying drone when a prophylaxis is performed. You could have sworn you saw the same, greasy-looking hamburger and french fries cloud in the sky you observed yesterday during a failed attempt at sealant lecturing, and that grouchy, Irritable Bowel Syndrome patient you treated 6 months ago still refuses to purchase a power toothbrush.

These days are safe; predictable. Without a whisper of high-production excitement to unhinge the banality of those hours, we are denied the unexpected and out-of-body experience that is dental sales. I dare hold my exuberance back when I say those words for fear I may erupt with a fury of irrational giddiness. Hee-hee…

I wait. I wait in vain, for days, when I can give my all and open up the dental doors of productive seventh heaven. Then the days become months. The months may even turn into a year; I feel my superhero selling powers fading into non-credible obscurity.

So, in lieu of my manic cravings to sell dentistry to patients, (because the dentist wants me to) and to quell my thirst to eradicate boredom, I’m forced to let my imagination wander and hope for a rogue, banana-cream pie to explode in my face, a carrier-pigeon fly into my operatory with the answers on how to solve the country’s current economic issues; or even hope for more exploding things. We all have our vices- mine, unfortunately, happens to be laughing at anything and everything absurd.

But, then, the day finally came; I successfully sold dentistry to my patients! They accepted the treatment plans and so much more! I could, once again, hold my head up high, and feel my success within the mega-power of a free market.

My husband wasn’t home to share in a glass of champagne, but that’s OK. A toast: to me! Today was, to date, the most productive day of my career! If I was able to organize a ticker-tape parade just for myself I would, but I have tons of laundry to do so… I’m still amazing!

Allow me to recap the momentous day:

Patient #1: You didn’t think I would talk about braces, did you? You tried to explain your unemployment status to me when I mentioned your anterior crowding, and I simply stated how easy it would be to correct. You sneaky devil, you. Well, I can say, definitively, I rocked your malocclused world! $5000 payment upfront and bam! Oh, dear. My patient has a frowny face. I think I’m losing him. Reel it in, woman. I’ll bring him back to dental happiness.

“Your wife won’t be upset,” I said. “I mean, you’ll find a job soon. Once your orthodontia is completed you’ll be offered one job after the other. What employer wouldn’t want to hire a good-looking man such as yourself- and one with a pending, awesome smile?” My patient stirred a bit in his chair, but managed to turn his frown upside down.

“I have been wanting to do this for a long time. Thank you for talking with me about it.”

“My pleasure,” I said with a warm smile. Cha-CHING!

Patient #3: You know, it’s funny. I didn’t think power toothbrush production was lucrative, but, oh my, was I wrong. The holidays are right around the corner. Why wouldn’t this patient get one for each member of his immediate family? His holiday shopping is finished, electric plaque disruption at his house will be at its finest, and, because he purchased five of these little beauties, the dentist agreed to give him 3% off of his next whitening session! It’s only three-hundred dollars.

The patient seemed a bit concerned about something. I moved my chair in closer. “Is there anything else I can get for you?” I asked. “Well,” said the patient in an irritated voice, “I don’t think my mom will need this. She’s not well.” “I see,” I replied. “Is she home bound?” I asked. “She’s in the hospital,” said the patient.

“That’s alright,” I said kindly. “She can use the brush while she’s there!”

Patient #4: I was simply amazed at the utter rudeness of this woman. I had told her, time and time again, she was not complying with my oral hygiene instructions. I took into consideration her lack of funds and her terminated unemployment benefits, but, the truth is, she brought this upon herself. The dental boss-man gave me ‘that look’ and I knew instinctively what to do; I just hope what’s left of her insurance will cover all 10 sites of the antibiotic. The dentist said I should have placed more of the antibiotic in her mouth, but he seemed pleased I put her on two-month recare visits.

She better find work soon; our in-house periodontist needs some production.

Patient #7: What a nice man; so sweet and funny. Lovely person. I’m going to miss him. I hope he’ll be happy in his assisted living situation. He’s been a patient of the dentist’s for- twenty years or so? He seems quite depressed with the passing of his wife. Poor guy. I don’t understand why his adult children won’t take him in. He would be looked after, cared for twenty-four hours a day, and have someone to talk to.

His kids are so selfish. I told them the implants would only come out to a little less than $5000. The man is on a reverse mortgage, so it’s not like he’s still paying for his home. Jeesh. I don’t see why they won’t help him out financially. I’m sure this gentleman has some retirement funds left. I mean, come on. Give a little. We’ve been giving him free toothbrushes for over twenty years!

Oh, well. No worries. My lecture on the replacement of four of his failed amalgams to crowns seemed to have opened his family’s ears. At least this patient is leaving with a newer mouth- today! Woot! I do hope they told the front desk of my efforts. They should know who held the ‘magic wand’ here. Give credit where credit is due, people.

Patient # 8: Hmm. Her plaque was minimal. Her build-up was completely negligible. Her gingivae was pink, firm, and stippled. There wasn’t anything there! How boring- and how rude. The least she could do is refer some of her friends to the practice. Although, she did purchase three home whitening kits from me… at forty bucks a pack! Booyah! Wonder how long she’ll be on COBRA insurance?

Uh-oh. Looks like she wants to talk. “My insurance is going to end soon,” said the patient sheepishly. “I see,” I replied, nodding my head slowly. The patient continued. “There’s no way I’ll be able to afford the veneers on all those front front teeth,” she said.

I pushed back the patient’s armrest of her chair, and had her follow me to the treatment plan conference room. I handed her the ‘pamphlet of redemption’.

“This is a brochure on CareCredit. It’s fantastic. I’m sure you’ll be approved for the service. I’ll have the office manager come in and talk with you about it.”

“Oh, OK,” said the patient quietly.

How fabulous am I? I don’t know. Genius is difficult to measure.

Patient #11: Thank you. Thank you for accepting my recommendations for full mouth SRP, that implant with crown, and whitening, as well as your glowing compliments to the dentist about my professionalism. You’ve put a smile on my face.

“Will my insurance cover all of this?” asked the patient.

“Your insurance should cover some of it, yes,” I stated.

“Well, what part won’t it cover?” asked the patient in a suddenly testy voice.

“I believe your insurance won’t cover the implant,” I replied.

“That’s the most expensive part of all this! Where am I going to get the money for that? I can’t find a job,” replied the patient.

“I understand. I do. Let’s find out what we can offer you up at the front desk,” I said.

“Do you mean a discount?” asked the patient.

“You bet. I’m sure the dentist would be more than happy to offer you some help,” I replied kindly.

“Well, what kind of a discount would I be eligible for?” asked the patient.

“You know, I’m not sure. Business has been really slow due to the lingering recession, but I’ll inquire for you at the front desk,” I said quietly. My head spun like a metal top when I walked slowly to the reception desk. My internal dialogue went into a panic-stricken, paranoid plea of nervousness.

Please give her a discount. Please give her one. I’ll get my bonus for the implant if they give her a discount. I’m so hungry. I need money for lunch. If I don’t eat something soon I’m going to keel over in front of the doctor, then he’ll think I’m sick and start to wonder if I can keep up with thirty minute prophys and may want to get rid of me and find another hygienist younger and more fit who will be able to handle the schedule and sell more dentistry.

Please, please, please give her the discount…

Whew. This has been the best day ever! I am a goddess of dental persuasion and an inspiring team player. I am a glorious specimen of professionalism, kindness, and knowledge and only a few may stand in awe of my greatness. The dentist said I shouldn’t have offered that last patient a five percent discount on her implant, but he seemed pleased that she accepted the treatment. My superhero potency has returned full strength. I am devoid of all negative thoughts, and the force I have as a hygiene-selling-powerhouse is pulsing through my veins.

I. AM. INVINCIBLE.

Now… what will my $5.00 incentive check buy me for lunch today?