by Trish Walraven

You’re a dental professional, you want to do your job well, accomplish a task and then move on to the next one. But there’s one critical thing that can make or break you, no matter how excellent your clinical skills are: you must also speak to the subject of your work.

Duh, talking about patients here! They’re your subject, and they expect to have somewhat of a conversation with you. You must use words to initiate your job, and a few to end it as you leave. Otherwise you’ll look like an assembly-line worker that’s too good to talk to the product. Hey, Doritos. You’re going into that bag nicely. Thanks for the job security.

So you create little lines here and there that you find yourself repeating to Mrs. Graham, Mr. Burgess, little Jacob. Hi, how’s it going? What concerns are you having? We’re going to lay you back now.

Eventually patients are able to pick up on the fact that you’ve turned a phrase hundreds of times, said it to hundreds of people. That’s when your assistant cringes because those stale words sound like the flight attendant talking about the mask that will drop down out of the ceiling if heaven breaks loose and descends into the airplane cabin. Sheesh. You’re just trying to fix a tooth here.

If you can’t get a personality transplant (which I did once and it was great at first, but then my old personality got bored and ate it), then your other alternative is to ditch the worn-out words and get new ones! Might I suggest trying on a few of these to make a change in your patient rapport:

•Dude, what’s your problem? Just kidding, it’s right here in the schedule.

•You’re going to feel a little mosquito-bite with this injection, and then its momma will be by to bite you GOOD!

•Alright, now turn to the left and cough.

•So what’s going on in your life that you’re too stressed to talk about? Don’t tell me about anything fun or interesting, that’s too easy.

•Hole La. May yammo ace Doctor Bacon. Day donday ace el dough lore? (Say this to everyone, even if they don’t speak Spanish. Or even if your last name isn’t Bacon.)

•Tell me, what hole do you want to have filled today?

•Uh oh, 15 minutes to Judge Wapner.

•(singing this song as you lower the chair): Baby going down down down down down.

•You say you’d rather be at the OBGYN than at the dentist office? Well make up your mind so that I can shine this light in the right place.

•See you in six months, or whenever you work up the courage to come back.

•Well that was easy. For me, at least.

Now it’s your turn. I’m sure you’ve heard colleagues use phrases that make you grit your teeth every time you hear them. With all anonymity please share yours in the comment section below. Words are powerful, even ones that are tossed around long after they’re worn out.

So what phrases are you tired of hearing? Which ones crack you up?

Alternative Ways You Can Help Your Husband’s Practice

by Eva Watson

Running a financially solvent and content dental practice is hard work. The challenges of keeping the schedule filled, placating unhappy patients, and ensuring the peace and tranquility between team members are constants that must be adhered to for the greater good of the practice.

None of these responsibilities are taken more seriously than that of the spouses of dentists. These individuals not only have a vested interest in the monetary success of their married dental partners but to better the daily operations and keep ‘the ship sailing smoothly’ as well.

With all of the positive traits and well-meaning leadership dental wives have in mind for their husbands’ offices, there are days, just a tad too many, actually, that your guidance and intentions seem to push the staff’s proverbial ‘button’, so to speak. May I dare say ‘lay the sauce a bit too thick’? If I may be so bold as to offer, ‘Make the employees want to ship you in a box to Africa’?

It’s a difficult pill to swallow, I agree, but I do have some various, and incredibly helpful options, to aid in your demanding role as dental spouse:

Pass out dental office brochures to businesses around a twenty square mile radius, three days a week.

Obviously this will take you away from the practice frequently. Think of it this way – you can hit Neiman Marcus, Restoration Hardware, and schedule appointments with contractors to remodel your kitchen. Just make sure our checks don’t bounce again, okay?

Visit local elementary schools dressed as ‘Rooty! The Giant, Friendly Root Canal Tooth’

I would totally do this myself, but I need to be in the practice so– have fun! There are holes for your arms, but walking may pose a challenge. Oh, and there’s the white stockings and black shoes you have to wear. The staff attached a huge endodontic file to the top of your costume so the little ones understand why root canals are completely awful. Now, the suit gets sweaty and stinky after an hour, so make certain you bring a change of clothes. Come to think of it, you may want to shake it out a few times before you put it on. I thought I saw something crawling in it.

Take some time off

The staff knows you’ve earned it. You come in here, day after day after day, talking and talking, mispronouncing patients’ names then laughing about it, and we just feel like all that hard work deserves some rest and relaxation. In fact, we spoke to the doctor about it at one of the staff meetings. (You were Rooty that day so you missed the meeting.) Anyway, he feels that sending you to a month-long spa getaway is a fantastic idea for your peace of mind and well-being. You’re going to be busy next month – we got a new practice mascot costume for you!

Say hello to ‘Gingie – The Awfully Bloody Gingiva’!