Working in the dental industry, you can expect your fair share of stress, headaches and professional challenges, but it’s unlikely that your office has an atmosphere that could accurately be described as “sexually charged,” right? Dentists may be many things to many people, but few would call them “sexy” – until now. Word broke in Hollywood this week that none other than Jennifer Aniston is set to play a dentist in the upcoming film Horrible Bosses. That’s right: Brad Pitt’s ex-wife, the former Friend who launched a thousand copycat haircuts, is going to portray one of our own. And not just any dentist, mind you: Ms. Aniston will be playing a dentist whose aggressive sexuality toward her coworkers makes her one of the “horrible bosses” of the movie’s title.

If all of this sounds a little far-fetched to you, take a look at this news story about a dentist from Little Falls, New Jersey who is being sued for sexual harassment by three different members of his staff. The women claim that Dr. David Ulanet made numerous inappropriate comments and unwanted physical advances toward them between 2007 and 2010; in fact, attorney Robert J. Stack sums up the situation rather tidily by claiming that Dr. Ulanet “converted his dental practice into his own sexual playground.” Naturally, the victims deserve justice, and my intentions are not to minimize their plight. Yet the fact that a gorgeous movie star is slated to play a sexually voracious dentist – in a story not far removed from recent headlines – makes one wonder if the entire dental industry isn’t about to undergo a major image change.

Next stop: Desperate Dentists, starring Teri Hatcher? I smell a pilot in the works…

SOURCES:

Jennifer Aniston story (from Entertainment Weekly):
http://popwatch.ew.com/2010/06/15/jennifer-aniston-horrible-bosses-aggressive-sexually/

Sexual harassment case involving NJ dentist:
http://www.northjersey.com/news/96632594_Dentist_office_called_sexual_playground_.html

Melissa is a musician and writer from Los Angeles.  She has contributed dental articles to several dental blogs and websites around the web, including Millennium Dental, a cosmetic dentistry practice in Los Angeles famous for its celebrity clients.

This company knows better than to show what a person looks like wearing cheek retractors. But the bald dude in the tradeshow booth just couldn’t keep his mouth shut, and so has inadvertently revealed the eerie side of DIY whitening treatments.

If the silly little LED lights aren’t bad enough, the company has solved the apparent problem of “what to do” for the hour-long treatment process: built-in music headphones for your MP3 player.

Ahh, the fringes of the ZOOM-persuaded target audience make one smile and wince at the same time.  Thanks to Engadget for the help with next year’s Halloween costume.

But that’s not the case today.

The economy has since tanked and the price of gold is higher than ever (currently over $1,100 per ounce). The only one glinting a smile of 14 karats these days is Lady Gaga, and she safely skirts the hip-hop genre by going all Team Edward with vampire fangs.

So when dental gold is out (literally), you can impress your patients with a small token of your appreciation. Take out their gold crowns, inlays, bridges, and then give it to the patient along with a postage-paid envelope.

What’s cool about this deal is where the envelope goes. Not to some shady “Cash4Gold” operation. It goes to a reputable company that will pay your patients back a fair price.

And here comes the best part: Garfield Refining Company is so generous, they’ll give you ten percent for the referral. Don’t be afraid to let your patients know that you’re getting a kickback. They’ll just be happy that you’re not keeping all the dental gold for yourself.

So click this Garfield box on the left to enroll in the Patient Bling Program and get a few envelopes for your office. Nevermind that they still call it the Scrap Program; they just haven’t seen this review yet.

You also might want to look through Dental Products Report’s list of gold refining companies. And in case you were wondering, this is not a paid advertisement. Garfield Refining simply has a great idea that spreads goodwill and makes money for everyone.

For those not clear with the term, this 30 second video is a great example of a controlled gleek:

Fortunately for dental professionals, gleek saliva is essentially sterile when it sprays straight out of the submandibular gland. That doesn’t mean you should shoot back at your patients though – heavens no! we would never suggest such a thing – when they gleek onto your loupes while you’re fighting their tongue with a mouth mirror.

But what about after hours when you don’t have to act professionally? As a wise resource for all things oral, you should be knowledgeable about proper gleeking form. And if you practice these techniques, you’ll soon be able to impress just about everyone under the age of fifteen.

Step One: Concentrating the Saliva

Yawn a couple of times to stimulate saliva production under your tongue. Another way to try and build pressure is to rub the tip or side of your tongue along the sharp cusp tips of your lower teeth. Or you can always try a little something sour in your mouth as a last resort.

Step Two: Visualization

Don’t imagine yourself gleeking, silly! Just get in front of a mirror to see if you’re having any luck.

Step Three: Gleek Technique

Since everyone’s made differently, you’ll need to experiment with these methods to see which one elicits the best response from your little squirt machine.

1. Stick out your mandible as far as you can and press your tongue HARD on the roof of your mouth just behind your central incisors.

2. As you’re flexing your tongue, push your lower jaw out, bring it back and down, breathe in slightly, and bring it hard against the palate. A thin stream will probably come out.

3. Try sucking air under your tongue first before flexing and pressing the roof of your mouth.

It may take you a while to train your submandibular gland to fire at will, so don’t give up. But if you do give up, remember the adage that says: those who cannot do, teach.

And then share your gleekology with the world!   

We were impressed that when put on the spot between inaugural balls today, President Barack Obama was able to outline his plan to give all people in the United States of America the right to a beautiful, healthy smile. The big question is: just

Obama’s Mastication Initiative for America (MIA)

The people of the United States should realize that teeth are a quality of life issue. The government cannot force a citizen to take care of his or her body, nor should a person be penalized for issues that are beyond their control. We have seen the insurance industry take hold of healthcare and overvalue its services. Furthermore, dentists throughout our great nation have resisted the tide of managed medicine and are now capable of not only improving the quality of their patients’ lives, but even the very length of the average American lifespan.

When we look at the technological advances that have been made in dentistry, we know that now is the time for change. It is this administration’s hope that by combining personal responsibility with expert guidance, my Mastication Initiative for America will fulfill the needs of all Americans, not just the ones barely getting by; not just the wealthy, but every one of us.

The details will be forthcoming when I have more than a few breaths of air between dipping my wife on dance floors, but here is a brief outline of the plan:

1. Participation in the plan is voluntary, both for dental providers and for patients.

2. Payments will be made directly to patients on a yearly basis, with the exception of the Lump Sum plan that is described in line 6.

3. All participating dental practices will engage the use of a government-approved method of data gathering and reporting, to be agreed upon in the future, but possibly a special watermarked panoramic digital image that can be submitted to the Department of Health and Human Resources. This will significantly decrease the ability for fraudulent reporting on patient status.

4. Each person under the age of 30 will be required to have yearly dental images submitted on their behalf for reimbursement by the federal government. There will be a fixed amount allowed per person, regardless of actual care rendered. i.e. $500 per year per person under 30. Under no circumstances will any funds be reimbursed if basic preventive measures were not pursued by the patient or their family.

5. Third Molar Extraction will be considered a medical expense, as will any congenital deformity that is currently considered the arena of oral maxillofacial surgeons, so is excluded from the MIA plan.

6. At the age of 30, regardless of previous dental history, all citizens will be eligible for Dental Implant Screening (DIS). Because of the excellent properties of implants versus natural teeth regarding the elimination of the periodontium and thus the link to systemic disease, it is the MIA’s recommendation for DIS to be implemented before dental disease is likely to permanently affect a person’s whole health. Those who are at risk for losing their teeth, who have already lost teeth, or who simply make the choice of not wanting to maintain their teeth will, at this time in their lives, be given the opportunity to have all their teeth removed and have dental implants placed instead. This is a Lump Sum, and will include a preventive appliance to be worn at night. Any person who has implants with DIS will not be able to participate in the MIA after having implants placed.

7. DIS practitioners will work directly for the government, be well-trained, and well-compensated for their expertise.

8. From the age of 30 onward, payments from the MIA will be based on the number of healthy, maintained teeth that a patient displays in the accepted yearly imaging submitted. Included as healthy teeth: those with no restorations, restored teeth with no active defects, teeth with successful root canal therapy, periodontally involved teeth with no bone loss noted within the past year, and dental implants. Teeth that would not be counted for MIA payments: Broken teeth, retained root tips, teeth with active decay, and teeth showing periodontal involvement that has progressed since the previous submitted image.

This is the plan that will ensure that all Americans will be able to smile proudly, whether it is a God-given smile or one granted to them by choice, and no longer will we as a nation be faced with lost work time, emergency room visits, and other troubles caused by bad teeth. After all, this is the very soil where the “Hollywood Smile” was born, and so I ask you to consider what is best for our country, for our children, and for dentistry in the new economy to come.

Seriously tweaked patients are bringing their iPhone accessories to dentists nationwide.

The newest iPhone almost fits in the original iPhone dock. Almost, but… no.  And MobileMe still doesn’t sync iTunes remotely, so users are either stuck with purchasing the 3G dock for $29 or sticking it to Apple by creatively finding ways to carve out the plastic edges of their old ones.

Desperate for something to drill on, dentists affected by the recent economic downturn have begun aiming their burs outside of their patients’ mouths and are now the prime facilitators of this dock modding craze.

The unnamed dentist pictured above performed the service as part of a “teeth fixin” deal. He is now questioning his decision to allow photography during the modification due to the large number of geeks currently hanging out in his reception area.

However, with the increase in new patients he has had to turn away a few of his older clients, mostly iPhone detractors. Instead of leaving them uninformed, the dentist has been able to engage these patients with phones more suited to their needs: iPhone’s biggest competition.

Run your mouse over the product images to get a sense of their origins.

Unfortunately, the Luxatemp guns do not fire over long distances. That and they’re kind of runny.

Make sure that you’ve placed the right kind of suction tip in your patient’s mouth.

Laser dentistry. So easy, even a toddler could do it.

Enamel Pro paste appeals to hygienists who never grew up. Oh, the colors that end up in our children’s stomachs! Thankfully patients aren’t supposed to swallow this.

Who says you have to sit still while doing dentistry? The Evolution Chair also provides for good spinal alignment.

Hey, with an LCD screen, you can find the bottom of anything! At least the Vector Root Apex Locator comes with its own hook.

Never mind.

The Oral-B Pulsar disposable electric toothbrush is the discreet answer to better pleasure, vitality, and all-around good vibes.

Once found only in the oral care department of superstores, the Oral-B Pulsar has now been endorsed by a pioneering gynecologist and may soon be the first product on the market to simultaneously receive the ADA Seal of Acceptance and the ABOG Standard of Therapy Seal. “Never before have we realized that a single product can fulfill two needs – perhaps even at the same time if the spouse is an enthusiastic brusher,” said one dental hygienist who wishes to remain anonymous.

Furthermore, the low cost of the Oral-B Pulsar opens the door to many more users who could not otherwise afford a vibrating device or who would stoop so low as to think of handling a toothbrush in this manner.

Readers of this blog who want to be further humored are highly encouraged to first read this actual news article from the Palm Beach Post, then to go play with the Pulsar Flash Video on Oral-B’s website. It will definitely change the way you look at power toothbrushes forever.